Success at work hinges on your ability to communicate effectively and foster positive, professional relationships. Women, in particular, face unique challenges in the workplace due to societal expectations, biases, and pressures. While Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) was developed to treat emotional dysregulation in interpersonal situations, many of its principles can also be applied to the workplace. Learn how to navigate professional dynamics as a woman by using DBT tactics that will help you be mindful, regulate emotions, tolerate distress, and advocate for yourself while cultivating fruitful work relationships.
The Impacts of Gender on Workplace Communication
In the quest to be treated equally and shatter the glass ceiling, female-presenting professionals must also be aware of the inherent role that gender plays in determining workplace dynamics. While certain ways of communicating aren’t worse than others, per se, some are commonly more valued in the office — and those communication styles happen to be more innate in your male coworkers. Some workplace communication tendencies based on gender roles include the following:
- Women communicate more emotionally and vocally;
- Men tend to be more direct and action-driven;
- Women use a higher voice;
- Men use less eye contact;
- Women tend to be more closed off in their body language;
- Men are more likely to lead and be assertive.
Women, generally, are raised to follow rather than lead in the interest of being polite, and they tend to have a more innate connection to others emotionally. This isn’t to say that the way that women communicate is “less than.” However, being aware of tendencies can help you recognize why coworkers may be responding in certain ways and start to foster an inclusive work environment where diverse communication styles are valued.
DBT and Professional Relationships
While DBT is typically used in therapeutic settings, you can use it as a practical toolkit for self-help in your everyday life. DBT can arm you with the skills you need to cope with stress, make rational decisions, and navigate conflicts in the workplace. What’s more, DBT can give you tools for relationship success, allowing you to more easily set boundaries and assert your needs as a woman in the workplace.
Managing Your Well-Being
Taking a holistic approach to your well-being allows you to show up your best at work. Whether or not you’re in therapy, you can use DBT to deal with personal issues that may be negatively impacting your professional performance. When you’re going through difficult times at home or with personal relationships, you may experience issues at work like:
- Burnout;
- Fatigue;
- Feeling unmotivated and distracted;
- Increased stress;
- Lowered self-confidence;
- Time mismanagement;
- Work relationship issues.
In addition to leading a healthy lifestyle like getting enough sleep and exercising regularly, you can use DBT skills to help you cope. Mindfulness will help you stay grounded when you are at work. Try focusing on your breathing, practicing meditation, or noticing sights, sounds, tastes, smells, and feelings around you. This will allow you to diffuse your negative thoughts about any issues you may be having, bring awareness back to the self, and move to emotional regulation.
If you’re having trouble coping with life challenges, this is likely to seep into your work life. Emotional regulation is important to bring with you into the workplace, allowing you to recognize your emotions and how they’re impacting situations. For example, you may be talking to your boss about a raise but feeling stressed and not as confident from a fight with your partner the night before. Instead of reacting negatively to bad news, like screaming or quitting abruptly, you can ground yourself and recognize how your emotions could be affecting your boss and standing at your job.
Moving Past Societal Expectations of Women in the Workplace
It’s true that emotions must be regulated at work to remain helpful and make wise decisions. However, it’s also true that you can use your emotions to your advantage. Women are often taught that society expects them to be meek and polite. While this can appease your superiors, it may ultimately sabotage your career path or even put you in danger. Politeness pitfalls women can often fall into in the workplace include tolerating inappropriate behavior from co-workers or superiors, failing to speak up for fear of repercussions, and thinking of assertiveness as aggressiveness.
Aggression and assertiveness are two different things. Being assertive can help you firmly get what you want out of a workplace situation without causing damage to your professional relationships. It’s important to prioritize your mental health and well-being over societal expectations of women in the workplace. While some co-workers may be biased and think of you as brazen or bossy, this isn’t your intent. Instead, you are establishing clear boundaries, making sure your ideas are heard, preventing power imbalances, and standing up for your values.
Some DBT practices that can help you develop these skills are the aptly named DEAR MAN exercise and the FAST technique. DEAR MAN is an acronym that stands for:
- Describing the current situation;
- Expressing your feelings;
- Asserting yourself;
- Reinforcing;
- (Staying) Mindful;
- Appearing confident;
- Negotiating.
This can guide how you feel about and execute situations in which your objective is to get something you want or need. The FAST method is used in conjunction with DEAR MAN and can help you respect yourself by being fair, not apologizing, sticking to your values, and being truthful. Women also tend to apologize for speaking up or even simply existing. Use FAST to remind yourself to avoid this, stick to your guns, and get the job done.
Nurturing Lasting Workplace Relationships
DBT can also help you nurture effective relationships. For example, another acronym, GIVE, reminds you to be gentle, interested, validating, and easy-mannered.
This should be the last step in your DBT skillset that you tap into because women tend to already want to please people. This will help you draw the line more clearly between being assertive and aggressive. Use your emotional intelligence as your superpower and foster your workplace relationships while also furthering your career.
